Radio Free BANRI (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} radiofreebanri) wrote,@ 2007-11-18 22:56:00 |
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Saiyuki Gaiden, Winter 2008 (with extra tentacles and police brutality!)
Fssst krrkkll
fsssst ffzzzzzt *spop*
ENSUI: Hi everyone! Ensui here... First, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who expressed concern for my health when I had LOLCat Fever. You'll be pleased to hear that I r cumpleetly rekovrd nao!
... Uh. Anyway. Right now, the Peeps and I are sitting under a tree near the motel, keeping a close eye on the door to our motel room. We've just been to a nearby convenience store, and we've bought sandwiches and pop and potato chips and pretzels and Hostess snack cakes.
PEEPS: We're havin' a picnic! Yaaaaay!
ENSUI: And why are we having a picnic outside our motel room, when we really ought to be inside the motel room? Well might you ask!
'Member that big Shangri-Lallywood movie that Banri was gonna be in? Turns out there's been some, uh, trouble connected to it, and now the movie's release has been delayed...
POLICEMEN [off mic]: We know you're in there, Banri! Come out with your ears up!
BANRI [off mic, behind closed motel room door]: Nothin' doin'!
PEEPS: Ooooooh! Baan Reeeee is havin' a standoff with the police, Unca Ensui! Why's that?
ENSUI: *sigh* Apparently the film was in the can, and the studio decided to show it to some focus groups before it was released. And it seems the focus groups all agreed on one thing.
PEEPS: What was that, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Everybody in the focus groups said that the Banri character was very unlikeable, self-centered, manipulative, and basically a pain in the ass.
LAVENDER PEEP: Sounds like typecasting!
OTHER PEEPS: Shut up, Lavender Peep! Think you're so smart!
ENSUI: So, the movie studio did what any sensible movie studio would do... They cut all of Banri's scenes out of the movie.
PEEPS: *GASP!!*
ENSUI: Yup, that's right; all of Banri's hard work--sneaking off for three-hour naps in his trailer, eating the free food, partying every night with all the other youkai under the big Shangri-Lallywood sign, macking on the makeup girl--was all for nothing. Every second of screentime he had ended up on the cutting room floor.
PEEP: ...We don't really like Baan Reeeee that much, but that's hardly seems fair, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: Oh, I agree with you, Yellow Peep. I guess Shangri-Lallywood is a rough town sometimes... and I guess Banri couldn't handle the rejection, so he snapped.
PEEPS: Oh no! What'd he DO??
ENSUI: He stole the master negative of the film, and now he's holed up in our motel room, holding the negative for ransom.
PEEPS: OoooooOOOOOoooooh!
ENSUI: So basically, we can't go in there. The police are bringing in a negotiator, so we'll see how that goes. I thought we might as well make the best of it and have a picnic to help pass the time, and while we were at the convenience store, I bought us a book to look at!
PEEPS: A book! Yaaaay!
PAGE 1
ENSUI: It's our old friend the Diadem Kid--and he's all Christmassy and stuff!
PEEPS: He stole Santa's outfit! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
PAGE 2
PEEPS: Someone made Mr. TT into a salad!
ENSUI: "Mr. TT"? You sound like you know him.
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
PAGE 3
ENSUI: Licorice Locks is lookin' feisty.
PEEPS: Lookit, he broke one of his chains! What's it meeeeeean?!
PAGE 4
PEEPS: Mr. TT doesn't look very friendly in that picture.
ENSUI: That's called determination, Blue Peep!
PAGE 5
PEEPS: ...What's wrong with Lemonhead's arm!? Where's the rest of his arm?!?!
ENSUI: Oh, see, it bends at the elbow there, and that's his hand down there by his leg. He kind of has his arm folded in front of the Diadem Kid.
PEEPS: *Whew!* Thanks for 'splainin', Unca Ensui... it kinda looked almost like part of his arm was missing!
ENSUI: I guess he's just a disarming guy...
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheehee!
PAGE 6
ENSUI: Hey, look! We'll be able to hopefully see more of this story in January--that's a lot sooner than we're used to!
PEEPS: HOORAY!
PAGE 7
PEEPS: It's Santa Diadem Kid again!
ENSUI: I like his boots. I'd like to get a pair of boots like that.
PEEPS: But you DO have boots like that, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: I do? ... Well, how about that--you're right, I do, and I'm wearing them right now!
PAGE 8
PEEPS: It's not polite to point!
ENSUI: He's pointing at the principal, and he's saying, "Look! The principal's shirt isn't made out of cellophane today!"
PEEPS: No cellophane shirt!?? Oh no!!!
PAGE 9
PEEPS: Oh no oh no oh no! It's the Giant Evil S'mores!
ENSUI: And our friend Licorice Locks is shooting at them! ...Saaaay, that one looks a lot like Dr. Zaius...
PAGE 10
ENSUI: Looks like Licorice Locks is gonna stay behind and keep the Giant Evil S'mores at bay so the Diadem Kid and his other friends can keep running.
PEEPS: You mean...*gulp* ...they're gonna leave him behind?
ENSUI: It sure looks that way.
PEEPS: But that's so sad!!
PAGE 11
PEEPS: OH NO!!! IT'S THE EVIL SMORESMASTER!!
ENSUI: It looks like he's in trouble, too... "What are you doing, my Natakus??" And then SPLAT!, they're attacking him!
PEEPS: Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
ENSUI: Looks like Mr. TT just barely missed getting nailed, too. He ducked at just the right time!
PAGE 12
ENSUI: And Licorice Locks' friends are thinking about him and worried about him.
PEEPS: We're worried about him too, Unca Ensui!
PAGE 13
ENSUI: Looks like there's not much reason to be worried about him, though--he's doing pretty well against those monsters!
PEEPS: Ewwwwwh, tentacles! They're all slimy an' stuff!
PAGE 14
ENSUI: In fact, Licorice Locks is such a good shot, he's managed to shoot a few tentacles off the monsters!
PEEP: Unca Ensui...?
ENSUI: Yes, White Peep?
PEEP: N-nothing nasty's gonna happen with those tentacles, is it?
ENSUI: Oh, I don't think you need to worry. This isn't that kind of story...
PEEPS: *WHEW!*
PAGE 15
ENSUI: Meanwhile, not far away, a maid hears a strange noise and goes to investigate!
PEEPS: How do you know she's a maid, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Oh, well, see, she's got a feather duster! And uh-oh, somebody grabs her from behind and chokes her!
PEEPS: OH NO!!!
PAGE 16
ENSUI: Turns out it was Mr. TT!
PEEPS: Is Mr. TT gonna take the maid's uniform and dress up in it so he can sneak around, like in a James Bond movie?
ENSUI: No, I don't think so. ...Hey, when did you guys ever see a James Bond movie?
PEEPS: Um .... Oh! Let's go to the next page, Unca Ensui!!
PAGE 17
ENSUI: And now Mr. TT sees that, in addition to the maid that he just incapacitated, there's a whole bunch of people sneaking around on that level. And they're all armed.
PEEPS: Oh no!!
PAGE 18
ENSUI: But that's okay--he's armed, too!
PAGE 19
ENSUI: And naturally the ruckus brings other armed people running. So it looks like now he'll have to stay behind to fight them off!
PEEPS: But that means that Lemonhead and the Diadem Kid will have to go on alone!
ENSUI: It certainly looks that way, doesn't it?
PAGE 20
ENSUI: And of course that makes the Diadem Kid really, really sad, having to leave two of his three friends behind.
PEEPS: It'd make us sad, too, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: Well, sure. Friends are important! Everybody needs friends.
PEEPS: Unca Ensui? Does even someone like Baaaan Reeee need friends?
ENSUI: Of course Banri needs friends! ...I mean, he might be kind of a pill sometimes, but he still needs friends.
PEEPS: Are you Baaaan Reeee's friend, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Sure I am. I mean, I guess so.
PEEPS: Whyyyyyyyy?
ENSUI: Well...it's nice to find someone who's willing to be my friend. Even if he's kind of a pain in the butt sometimes. There's times when I don't think Banri's ever learned that lesson about "If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend."
PEEPS: We're your friends, aren't we, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Of course you're my friends! But let's get back to the story, shall we?
PAGE 21
ENSUI: So the Diadem Kid is very sad, but at least he's still got his bestest friend Lemonhead with him.
PAGE 22
PEEPS: EWWWWWWHH! THE DIADEM KID'S GOT A RUNNY NOSE!
ENSUI: Heh-heh, yeah, he's kind of having a Bodily Fluids Challenge going on there. So Lemonhead does the most natural thing you do to a kid who's crying...he YANKS ON THE DIADEM KID'S FACE!
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
PAGE 23
ENSUI: Meanwhile, Licorice Locks seems to have pretty much finished off all those Giant Evil S'mores, proving once again what a badass he is.
PEEPS: HOORAY!!
ENSUI: Even if his hair is all messed up and he's kinda bloody.
PAGE 24
ENSUI: Yup, that's right, it's time for a relaxing smoke. Especially after slaughtering a metric ass-ton of big hairy monsters!
PAGE 25
ENSUI: And then... why, who's this?
PEEPS: *gasp!* It's the MARSHMALLOW KING OF THE PEEPS!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Has he come to help Licorice Locks?!???!
ENSUI: I don't know--but I guess we'll have to wait till next time to find out, because-
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: Hey, Banri! I just got off the phone with the production company.
BANRI [off mic, still in motel room]: Yeah? What'd they say?
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: They've agreed to replace all your scenes in the movie. In fact, they say they're gonna expand your part.
BANRI [opens motel room door, regards police negotiator suspiciously]: Really...?
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: Yeah. They told me they're gonna stick a pair of fake ears on Zac Efron and digitize him in your place.
BANRI [enraged]: WHAT?!?!
[In the blink of an eye, several policemen dart forward before Banri can slam the door, and then...]
*BBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOWWWNTT!!!*
BANRI: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
PEEPS: Unca Ensui! Unca Ensui!! What happened to Baaan Reee? It sounds SCARY!
ENSUI: I, um, think he just got tasered...
*BBZOOOOOOOOOOWWWWNNT!!* *ZAAAAAAAAP KRRRKLKRRRKL ZAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!*
BANRI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!
*BZZZZOOOOOOOWNNNT!!* *ZORRRRRRRRRCH!* *ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP KRRKLKRRRKL ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!*
Fssst krrkkll
fsssst ffzzzzzt *spop*
ENSUI: Hi everyone! Ensui here... First, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who expressed concern for my health when I had LOLCat Fever. You'll be pleased to hear that I r cumpleetly rekovrd nao!
... Uh. Anyway. Right now, the Peeps and I are sitting under a tree near the motel, keeping a close eye on the door to our motel room. We've just been to a nearby convenience store, and we've bought sandwiches and pop and potato chips and pretzels and Hostess snack cakes.
PEEPS: We're havin' a picnic! Yaaaaay!
ENSUI: And why are we having a picnic outside our motel room, when we really ought to be inside the motel room? Well might you ask!
'Member that big Shangri-Lallywood movie that Banri was gonna be in? Turns out there's been some, uh, trouble connected to it, and now the movie's release has been delayed...
POLICEMEN [off mic]: We know you're in there, Banri! Come out with your ears up!
BANRI [off mic, behind closed motel room door]: Nothin' doin'!
PEEPS: Ooooooh! Baan Reeeee is havin' a standoff with the police, Unca Ensui! Why's that?
ENSUI: *sigh* Apparently the film was in the can, and the studio decided to show it to some focus groups before it was released. And it seems the focus groups all agreed on one thing.
PEEPS: What was that, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Everybody in the focus groups said that the Banri character was very unlikeable, self-centered, manipulative, and basically a pain in the ass.
LAVENDER PEEP: Sounds like typecasting!
OTHER PEEPS: Shut up, Lavender Peep! Think you're so smart!
ENSUI: So, the movie studio did what any sensible movie studio would do... They cut all of Banri's scenes out of the movie.
PEEPS: *GASP!!*
ENSUI: Yup, that's right; all of Banri's hard work--sneaking off for three-hour naps in his trailer, eating the free food, partying every night with all the other youkai under the big Shangri-Lallywood sign, macking on the makeup girl--was all for nothing. Every second of screentime he had ended up on the cutting room floor.
PEEP: ...We don't really like Baan Reeeee that much, but that's hardly seems fair, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: Oh, I agree with you, Yellow Peep. I guess Shangri-Lallywood is a rough town sometimes... and I guess Banri couldn't handle the rejection, so he snapped.
PEEPS: Oh no! What'd he DO??
ENSUI: He stole the master negative of the film, and now he's holed up in our motel room, holding the negative for ransom.
PEEPS: OoooooOOOOOoooooh!
ENSUI: So basically, we can't go in there. The police are bringing in a negotiator, so we'll see how that goes. I thought we might as well make the best of it and have a picnic to help pass the time, and while we were at the convenience store, I bought us a book to look at!
PEEPS: A book! Yaaaay!
ENSUI: It's our old friend the Diadem Kid--and he's all Christmassy and stuff!
PEEPS: He stole Santa's outfit! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
PEEPS: Someone made Mr. TT into a salad!
ENSUI: "Mr. TT"? You sound like you know him.
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
ENSUI: Licorice Locks is lookin' feisty.
PEEPS: Lookit, he broke one of his chains! What's it meeeeeean?!
PEEPS: Mr. TT doesn't look very friendly in that picture.
ENSUI: That's called determination, Blue Peep!
PEEPS: ...What's wrong with Lemonhead's arm!? Where's the rest of his arm?!?!
ENSUI: Oh, see, it bends at the elbow there, and that's his hand down there by his leg. He kind of has his arm folded in front of the Diadem Kid.
PEEPS: *Whew!* Thanks for 'splainin', Unca Ensui... it kinda looked almost like part of his arm was missing!
ENSUI: I guess he's just a disarming guy...
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheehee!
ENSUI: Hey, look! We'll be able to hopefully see more of this story in January--that's a lot sooner than we're used to!
PEEPS: HOORAY!
PEEPS: It's Santa Diadem Kid again!
ENSUI: I like his boots. I'd like to get a pair of boots like that.
PEEPS: But you DO have boots like that, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: I do? ... Well, how about that--you're right, I do, and I'm wearing them right now!
PEEPS: It's not polite to point!
ENSUI: He's pointing at the principal, and he's saying, "Look! The principal's shirt isn't made out of cellophane today!"
PEEPS: No cellophane shirt!?? Oh no!!!
PEEPS: Oh no oh no oh no! It's the Giant Evil S'mores!
ENSUI: And our friend Licorice Locks is shooting at them! ...Saaaay, that one looks a lot like Dr. Zaius...
ENSUI: Looks like Licorice Locks is gonna stay behind and keep the Giant Evil S'mores at bay so the Diadem Kid and his other friends can keep running.
PEEPS: You mean...*gulp* ...they're gonna leave him behind?
ENSUI: It sure looks that way.
PEEPS: But that's so sad!!
PEEPS: OH NO!!! IT'S THE EVIL SMORESMASTER!!
ENSUI: It looks like he's in trouble, too... "What are you doing, my Natakus??" And then SPLAT!, they're attacking him!
PEEPS: Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
ENSUI: Looks like Mr. TT just barely missed getting nailed, too. He ducked at just the right time!
ENSUI: And Licorice Locks' friends are thinking about him and worried about him.
PEEPS: We're worried about him too, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: Looks like there's not much reason to be worried about him, though--he's doing pretty well against those monsters!
PEEPS: Ewwwwwh, tentacles! They're all slimy an' stuff!
ENSUI: In fact, Licorice Locks is such a good shot, he's managed to shoot a few tentacles off the monsters!
PEEP: Unca Ensui...?
ENSUI: Yes, White Peep?
PEEP: N-nothing nasty's gonna happen with those tentacles, is it?
ENSUI: Oh, I don't think you need to worry. This isn't that kind of story...
PEEPS: *WHEW!*
ENSUI: Meanwhile, not far away, a maid hears a strange noise and goes to investigate!
PEEPS: How do you know she's a maid, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Oh, well, see, she's got a feather duster! And uh-oh, somebody grabs her from behind and chokes her!
PEEPS: OH NO!!!
ENSUI: Turns out it was Mr. TT!
PEEPS: Is Mr. TT gonna take the maid's uniform and dress up in it so he can sneak around, like in a James Bond movie?
ENSUI: No, I don't think so. ...Hey, when did you guys ever see a James Bond movie?
PEEPS: Um .... Oh! Let's go to the next page, Unca Ensui!!
ENSUI: And now Mr. TT sees that, in addition to the maid that he just incapacitated, there's a whole bunch of people sneaking around on that level. And they're all armed.
PEEPS: Oh no!!
ENSUI: But that's okay--he's armed, too!
ENSUI: And naturally the ruckus brings other armed people running. So it looks like now he'll have to stay behind to fight them off!
PEEPS: But that means that Lemonhead and the Diadem Kid will have to go on alone!
ENSUI: It certainly looks that way, doesn't it?
ENSUI: And of course that makes the Diadem Kid really, really sad, having to leave two of his three friends behind.
PEEPS: It'd make us sad, too, Unca Ensui!
ENSUI: Well, sure. Friends are important! Everybody needs friends.
PEEPS: Unca Ensui? Does even someone like Baaaan Reeee need friends?
ENSUI: Of course Banri needs friends! ...I mean, he might be kind of a pill sometimes, but he still needs friends.
PEEPS: Are you Baaaan Reeee's friend, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Sure I am. I mean, I guess so.
PEEPS: Whyyyyyyyy?
ENSUI: Well...it's nice to find someone who's willing to be my friend. Even if he's kind of a pain in the butt sometimes. There's times when I don't think Banri's ever learned that lesson about "If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend."
PEEPS: We're your friends, aren't we, Unca Ensui?
ENSUI: Of course you're my friends! But let's get back to the story, shall we?
ENSUI: So the Diadem Kid is very sad, but at least he's still got his bestest friend Lemonhead with him.
PEEPS: EWWWWWWHH! THE DIADEM KID'S GOT A RUNNY NOSE!
ENSUI: Heh-heh, yeah, he's kind of having a Bodily Fluids Challenge going on there. So Lemonhead does the most natural thing you do to a kid who's crying...he YANKS ON THE DIADEM KID'S FACE!
PEEPS: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
ENSUI: Meanwhile, Licorice Locks seems to have pretty much finished off all those Giant Evil S'mores, proving once again what a badass he is.
PEEPS: HOORAY!!
ENSUI: Even if his hair is all messed up and he's kinda bloody.
ENSUI: Yup, that's right, it's time for a relaxing smoke. Especially after slaughtering a metric ass-ton of big hairy monsters!
ENSUI: And then... why, who's this?
PEEPS: *gasp!* It's the MARSHMALLOW KING OF THE PEEPS!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Has he come to help Licorice Locks?!???!
ENSUI: I don't know--but I guess we'll have to wait till next time to find out, because-
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: Hey, Banri! I just got off the phone with the production company.
BANRI [off mic, still in motel room]: Yeah? What'd they say?
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: They've agreed to replace all your scenes in the movie. In fact, they say they're gonna expand your part.
BANRI [opens motel room door, regards police negotiator suspiciously]: Really...?
POLICE NEGOTIATOR [off mic]: Yeah. They told me they're gonna stick a pair of fake ears on Zac Efron and digitize him in your place.
BANRI [enraged]: WHAT?!?!
[In the blink of an eye, several policemen dart forward before Banri can slam the door, and then...]
*BBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOWWWNTT!!!*
BANRI: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
PEEPS: Unca Ensui! Unca Ensui!! What happened to Baaan Reee? It sounds SCARY!
ENSUI: I, um, think he just got tasered...
*BBZOOOOOOOOOOWWWWNNT!!* *ZAAAAAAAAP KRRRKLKRRRKL ZAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!*
BANRI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!
*BZZZZOOOOOOOWNNNT!!* *ZORRRRRRRRRCH!* *ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP KRRKLKRRRKL ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!*
fzzzzzzzzzzzzzt *spop*
fssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhht...
